Old song lyrics

Found some old lyrics to a song I never finished:

 

If you took all the letters of all the words

of every alphabet ever known to man

and ravelled them up into one giant mess

and unravelled them again

they still wouldn't make one single word

as chaotic or brief

as the encylopedias in your eyes

as the single slingshot of your breath

 

and all the names and all the places

you've carved deep beneath your skin

you think i don't have ambitions

i'm the only one with the whole map of everything and everyone you've ever been

 

you found me like a carpetbagger

crumpled and ragged

everything i owned or felt or remembered

stuffed deep inside me jagged

as a brick sick with remembering

how it got to be so hard

that's the only thing worth saving

 

 

and i can't let a day go by

when i don't let you know

that you found my heart all locked up in love

and too shy to burst, too damp to glow

i've been waiting for kindling

i've been waiting for warmth

i've been waiting for someone

to tell the world what i'm worth

 

and silence is all the places

between blindness and pain

and it's the lapses between us

that define who i am

and not only did my dreams not come true

they never came at all

i'm still the silence before you leap

i'm still the gulp before the fall

 

and sometimes it's hard to find your voice in this void

and sometimes all you want is an excuse to be ignored

you know me, you love me, you strip my skin bare

that's why it's so easy to pretend nothing's there

 

Sometimes before sleeping, I imagine the stars below

and earthworms and dirt storms and mushrooms above

and maybe that's what they mean when they say mushroom cloud

'cause we live in a world that explodes upside down

 

all the things you were taught to value

hard work, keeping your word

pale in comparison

to just feeling good

 

and that's how we are, baby

that's how we want to be

with you imagining i'm a fig or a peach or a tree

or any other kind of fruit a man could split wide with his tongue

but i'm sturdy and graceful and not nearly done

 

and every time you finish something

you tear the fabric of what might have been

and every time we almost get this right

we screw it up again

 

and maybe that's the pleasure

maybe that's the whole damn point

 

 

and love is uglier than dirty snow

and i'd set you to sail on a melting ice floe

if i knew it could dissolve all the shards in my heart

but the only way to end loving is never to start

 

As though your dreams were a position, we assume them

If your goals were coals, we'd both consume them

I'm burning with the flame of what you were meant to be

but I'm left wondering if anything is left that could safely be called "me"

 

 

and love is never painless

and strength is never blind

hard rocks grow inside me

and roots wrap deep around

your love is hard rocks inside me

your roots grows deep around

and the dead dissolve and melt away

but the ones you once loved never dissipate or even fade

instead they get larger, like a gray super nova

and murkier and sneakier until it's you they're graying over